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Dark night of the soul.
Does anything I do matter?

I know we all have dark nights of the soul. I had one last night. So many things not coming together. Always another step and another. So many decisions. Last night, that question: Will things ever come together in a way that feels okay to me? And also: Does anything I do matter? Life is going on and on. It's not infinite - my life isn't, anyway - even if life itself will go on and on.

Loose strings all over the place. Things I thought would be quick are slower than slow.

And then, how best to reach? Serious speech? Live video? Playful fun? Podcasts? So many choices, so much tried.

And then there's getting stuck and sometimes running dry.

And working so much alone. I would love to be working with someone.

Much has been done, I know. People have been reached. But just a fraction of a drop in this huge world.

I know words like: it's always darkest before dawn. But sometimes it's a long time before there's any dawn.

Today, going on. A day with clear air, sunshine that is warm but not hot, a cat that is so much better.

But I can still feel the tug of that dark night, even after coffee and a bit of baguette with avocado slices.

Anyway, now going on.


August 26, 2019

Last night, one of those dark nights.
A dark night of the soul.
Questions. And more questions.
Few answers, last night.

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