Questions going through my mind.
Is it worth it? What is worth it?

Is it worth it, all the social stuff I'm doing? Freedom of speech. The truth about Islam.

In the end, what is most worth it? Relationships? Where I live? What I do with my day? The walks with the dog? Saving the life of my kitten, almost 6 months old now and still fragile? Figuring out answers to the big questions that stay in my mind - why do movements that start out sounding so good, so often turn out horribly? And then, there's that other big question - how do we flourish, really flourish?

Trying to reach people - that's taken years of my life.

Things feel so important - whether it's rearranging the furniture, or learning about undoing the impact of trauma, or showing that Islam is fatally flawed, or writing a love poem.

Creative stuff - a huge love, almost all my life. But also, almost from as far back as I remember, social stuff, starting with all the hungry people in the world, especially the starving children.

And yet, doing stuff also can feel so utterly meaningless. What difference does it make? Just enjoy the moment - the evening light, or the evening darkness actually - the cats around the room, the warm light from three lamps.

Yes, I do enjoy the moment - the cat draped in the straw hamper, the soft light from a beautiful lamp I got at a thrift shop, the kitten curled nearby.

**

Will I go on with this blog? I've kept a journal at times, have written on and on and on.

I've posted loads of personal blog posts, years ago.

And then there's been very very little personal stuff the past few years.

**

I don't know what will emerge, where this will go.

For now, this is my starting point: what's worth it? is this worth it?

**

I've wanted to reach far more people than I've managed to reach. I'm still on that quest, to reach where it feels right to be.

At the same time, I'm asking: what difference will it make to the world, if I reach where it feels right to be? It is about me. It's also about loads of people - my feeling that my reaching them will give to them - in other words, that my reaching people matters to the world.

For now, good night. An early good night.

Elsa

November 11, 2017

Questions going through my mind.
Is it worth it? What is worth it?

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